The Power of Goodbye: Why Sneaking Off Isn’t the Answer
Back-to-school season is full of fresh starts—new classrooms, new teachers, new morning routines. For our little ones, it’s also a season of big feelings. The morning drop-off can be especially tender.
It’s tempting, in the swirl of backpacks and bell times, to “slip away quietly” when your child is distracted—hoping to avoid tears. But while the urge comes from love, sneaking off can unintentionally make separations harder over time.
Goodbyes Build Trust
Children notice everything. When a parent disappears without warning, it can create uncertainty: Will they leave again without telling me? Research shows that predictable routines and transparent communication help children feel secure during transitions (National Association for the Education of Young Children [NAEYC], 2020). Saying goodbye sends the message: When I go, I will tell you. When I say I’ll be back, I will.
Goodbyes Grow Emotional Resilience
Goodbyes give children practice in moving through a hard moment and discovering that they can still have a good day. Bowlby’s attachment theory (1988) reminds us that healthy attachments include both connection and separation—children learn that even when apart, the relationship remains strong.
Goodbyes Model Healthy Boundaries
When you say goodbye confidently, you show your child that parting is normal and safe. This helps them develop the social-emotional skills they’ll carry into friendships, group work, and new environments (Bridges, 2008).
Goodbyes Help Teachers Support the Transition
When teachers see that a goodbye has happened, they can step in with comfort, connection, and distraction right away. This reduces distress and helps children settle into play or learning more quickly (Swartz et al., 2016).
How to Make Goodbyes Easier
Keep it short and consistent. A predictable goodbye—hug, high-five, or a gentle phrase—becomes a ritual of safety.
Name the feeling. “I know you’ll miss me. I’ll miss you too. I’ll see you after snack time.” Naming emotions supports emotional literacy (Denham et al., 2012).
Leave with confidence. Your calm energy helps your child’s nervous system settle.
Follow through. Returning when you said you would reinforces trust.
The heart of it: Saying goodbye, even when it’s hard, tells your child You are safe. You are loved. I will always come back. And that’s a message worth giving—every single time.
References
Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
Bridges, L. J. (2008). Parenting and early emotional development. Journal of Early Childhood Research, 6(2), 117–132.
Denham, S. A., et al. (2012). Social-emotional learning in early childhood. Child Development Research, 2012, 1–13.
National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). (2020). Transitions: Moving in, moving up, and moving on.
Swartz, M. I., et al. (2016). Supporting smooth transitions to preschool. Young Children, 71(3), 14–21.